Pentagon's Unmanned Spokesdrone Gives Press Conference
Watch the video from YouTubeThe spokesdrone will field questions deemed too dangerous for a human press secretary, whose career could be irreparably damaged by answering them.
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NASA Tests Effects Of Space On Fat Astronaut
- Length: 2:16
- Author: TheOnion
Tags: NASA Tests Effects Of Space On Fat Astronaut
Mission specialist Robert Barrett first became suspicious when he noticed most of his tasks involved measuring his waist and eating cookie dough.
The Beijing Olympics - Are They A Trap?
- Length: 2:10
- Author: TheOnion
Tags: The Beijing Olympics - Are They A Trap?
'In The Know' panelists discuss whether our athletes will be able to escape the bamboo cages the Chinese government will try to imprison them in.
Voting Machines Elect One Of Their Own As President
- Length: 3:15
- Author: TheOnion
Tags: Voting Machines Elect One Of Their Own As President
Voting machine DRE700 came out of nowhere to defeat Barack Obama and John McCain and become the first machine president.
Al Qaeda Also Fed Up With Ground Zero Construction Delays
- Length: 2:1
- Author: TheOnion
Tags: Al Qaeda Also Fed Up With Ground Zero Construction Delays
With the reconstruction of Ground Zero finally underway, anchor Brandon Armstrong invites two guests to discuss the progress. More coverage at: http://www.onion.com
Tiny Dog Has Been Barking Nonstop For 6 Years
- Length: 1:23
- Author: TheOnion
Tags: Tiny Dog Has Been Barking Nonstop For 6 Years
Pausing only to eat, the West Highland white terrier yips and yelps 24 hours a day, according to neighbors.
Pentagon Reports Army Mascot 'Liberty' Killed in Iraq
- Length: 2:18
- Author: TheOnion
Tags: Pentagon Reports Army Mascot 'Liberty' Killed in Iraq
Appointed by Bush in 2003 to distract from the horrors of war, Liberty's antics turned fatal yesterday when he cart-wheeled into a roadside bomb.
Study: Alzheimer's Patients Say They Do Not Have Alzheimer's
- Length: 1:0
- Author: TheOnion
Tags: Study: Alzheimer's Patients Say They Do Not Have Alzheimer's
Interviews with Alzheimer's patients indicated that an overwhelming majority are, in fact, perfectly fine.
Is The Government Spying On Schizophrenics Enough?
- Length: 2:19
- Author: TheOnion
Tags: Is The Government Spying On Schizophrenics Enough?
In The Know: Panelists discuss ways to care for the nation's paranoid schizophrenics, such as hiding cameras in their homes or audio transmitters in their ears. More coverage at: http://www.onion.com
Treasury Department Issues Emergency Recall Of All US Dollars
- Length: 1:53
- Author: TheOnion
Tags: Treasury Department Issues Emergency Recall Of All US Dollars
Treasury Officials say the dye used in printed money is extremely toxic and urge Americans to send all their cash to Washington immediately.
Reporters Blow Up Plane, Expose Security Lapses
- Length: 2:38
- Author: TheOnion
Tags: Reporters Blow Up Plane, Expose Security Lapses
271 are dead after an Onion News Network Special Investigative Report on airport security. More coverage at: http://onion.com
U.S. Closes Final WWII Internment Camp
- Length: 1:53
- Author: TheOnion
Tags: U.S. Closes Final WWII Internment Camp
White House Press Secretary Debra Browning reminds reporters that there were 26 other camps that the U.S. successfully closed on time. More coverage at: http://onion.com
McCain Declines Secret Service
- Length: 1:40
- Author: TheOnion
Tags: McCain Declines Secret Service
John McCain claims that if elected he would save taxpayers millions by eliminating the Secret Service and defending himself instead. More coverage at: http://onion.com
Portrayal Of Obama As Snob Hailed As Step Forward For Blacks
- Length: 2:22
- Author: TheOnion
Tags: Portrayal Of Obama As Snob Hailed As Step Forward For Blacks
Overjoyed civil rights leaders say that Barack Obama has paved the way for future black politicians to be smeared as country club snobs.
NASA Scientists Plan To Approach Girl By 2018
- Length: 2:38
- Author: TheOnion
Tags: NASA Scientists Plan To Approach Girl By 2018
The team of scientists says the $19 million dollar mission will put them in direct contact with a woman by 2018.
Chef Cooks 'Dream Omelet' That Came To Him In A Dream
- Length: 2:55
- Author: TheOnion
Tags: Chef Cooks 'Dream Omelet' That Came To Him In A Dream
Today Now! shares a delicious omelet recipe you can make at home with just a few simple and surreal ingredients.
'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Made Into Feature Film
- Length: 2:43
- Author: TheOnion
Tags: 'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Made Into Feature Film
Fans are worried that the feature film adaptation of the beloved trailer won't live up to the original 90-second story's vision. More coverage at: http://onion.com
Hurricane Bound For Texas Slowed By Large Land Mass To South
- Length: 2:12
- Author: TheOnion
Tags: Hurricane Bound For Texas Slowed By Large Land Mass To South
Texas residents are relieved that the deadly Category 5 storm just missed them, destroying a horn-shaped land mass beneath them instead.
Should The Government Stop Dumping Money Into A Giant Hole?
- Length: 2:5
- Author: TheOnion
Tags: Should The Government Stop Dumping Money Into A Giant Hole?
With the economy sliding deeper into a recession, panelists discuss whether it's time to stop throwing our money into a massive pit out in the desert.
Deadly Virus Sweeping China Is Just Olympic Fever
- Length: 1:38
- Author: TheOnion
Tags: Deadly Virus Sweeping China Is Just Olympic Fever
The Chinese government explained that the fatal disease is caused by the excitement of the Olympics, not infected birds, as was previously reported.
Congress Debates Merits Of New Catchphrase
- Length: 2:50
- Author: TheOnion
Tags: Congress Debates Merits Of New Catchphrase
Rep. William Cummings (D-VA) defends his use of the slang word "pronk" as a legitimate catchphrase. More coverage at: http://onion.com
U.S. Government Stages Fake Coup To Wipe Out National Debt
- Length: 2:30
- Author: TheOnion
Tags: U.S. Government Stages Fake Coup To Wipe Out National Debt
Congress says that with no way to actually pay back our debts, faking a coup to eliminate financial obligations is the best plan for the U.S. economy.
Congressman Makes Preemptive Apology For Extramarital Affair
- Length: 2:28
- Author: TheOnion
Tags: Congressman Makes Preemptive Apology For Extramarital Affair
Rep. Gregory White (D-NH) tearfully asks forgiveness for the degrading and sinful acts he is about to engage in.
Child Bankrupts Make-A-Wish Foundation
- Length: 2:24
- Author: TheOnion
Tags: Child Bankrupts Make-A-Wish Foundation
Today Now! has the story of an 8-year-old whose demand for never-ending wish fulfillment may force the Make-A-Wish Foundation to shut down. More coverage at: http://onion.com
